This is something we all need to learn about… one of the most important attributes we've got to have as a human being, and that's the ability to be apologetic. We've all made mistakes, we've all misheard something, misunderstood something, we've all been in a position where we've had to apologize for something we've said or done and apologizing is often one of the hardest things to do.
What's even harder is doing it correctly… and there's one thing that I hear over and over and over again that absolutely dilutes the intent of the apology, and that's saying I want to apologize for what I said or what I've done or for making you upset, and the next word is the word that kills it… and it's the word but.
As soon as you say I'm apologizing for what I did, but what you're really doing is making an excuse, and telling the other person if you had known what I had known I wouldn't have to apologize for you, so effectively you've said I'm apologizing, but not really, and that's not gonna get you where you wanna go.
I think that because of that simple word but you can work hard you can have the best intention but you've got to be willing to make an apology absolutely positively truthful
I've got a little acronym, the acronym is make your apology real, and it's four letters, it's simple but I think it it really fits.
No. 1 the R
You gotta understand you're trying to rebuild trust. A lot of times when we've broken trust, we've said things or done things where people that we love and care about people that we respect we've broken the trust because we haven't done things that absolutely need to be straightened out and get recentered and get the relationship back where it needs to be.
The apology has to be earnest, that's the e, it's gotta come from your heart.
It can't come because you think you need to apologize or it's just a throw away response, “oh I'm sorry”. That's not an earnest apology. Make your apology something that you really mean,
otherwise it's gonna fall on deaf ears and it's not gonna last longer than it takes the other person to hang up the phone, or walk out of the room, you gotta be willing to do that.
The A stands for you've got to accept blame.
If you just decide that no matter what happened, you had the option or the opportunity to have done something different. So the reason we had this disagreement this argument, the reason, you're angry at me, the reason I need to apologize, it's my fault so accept blame.
So you've got to rebuild trust, make it an earnest apology, accept blame for the upset or the disruption of your relationship, and then L let your ego go.
More times than not we're willing to say I'm sorry but this little devilish creature in our brains called our ego doesn't wanna lose to somebody else's ego and they will tell you but explain this and they take you back to that but word, so let your ego go.
Don't worry about being one up on anybody, don't worry about whether or not you're right or wrong, just fix the relationship so make your apologies real. Make it an absolute commitment
to rebuild the trust of the relationship, make sure that it's earnest and a heartfelt apology, not a throw away.
I'm just saying it because I have to. Don't be there, make sure you accept blame hey this is my fault, I should have thought about that before I said it, I should have listened to your whole conversation instead of jumping to a conclusion, and then l let your ego go.
You'll get more back, you'll get more value from the relationship, you'll get more trust from the other person if you and your ego can decide it's okay to give in once in a while.
We all need to know how to do apologies better…
Make it real and watch your relationship rebuild and flourish
Have a great weekend and be ready to rock and roll on Monday morning everybody!
